A lot has Changed

Anya woke up once the sleeping gas left her system she looked around and saw Eric. Nervousness consumed her. How would she tell him? She crossed her arms over her stomach, trying to cover the bump. "Eric?" She whispered

((I feel like a derp I posted this in the wrong room xD))

One week. It was one week that he had learnt Esmeralda's death. The time wasn't more than a relative datum in these places. Sometimes it seems to him that it made years. Sometimes just a few seconds.
And it hurt always.
Every awakening was just a surge to fall again into a lifeless pain. A colorless insulation. A silent horror.
He didn't open of course eyes. Neither the envy, nor the need, anything. He would have simply wanted to stay there. Don't need to speak, don't need to move, don't need to play. Just... Stay there.
-Eric?
He would have recognized her voice even half asleep. He her recognized even if it was only a rustle. He knew that it was her.
Anya...
Eric recovered, with difficulty. Stiff. He looked at her, she smiles to him, but he didn't. He remained grave, stiff.
-Eric?
He got up, went towards her. He knew that he frightened her, but... He didn't arrive there. He knelt down before her, and before she can make whatever, he squeezed her against him, burying his face of her hair.

Anya was surprised. He seemed upset. Her heart squeezed tightly.
"Hey...are you ok?" She whispered, hugging him back

[OOC: I'm so sorry for being the bearer of bad news and breaking your heart, my dear brother-in-law! ]

Eric squeezed her against him, a little more hardly, but he remained silent one moment. One moment, he inhaled the smell of her hair, a mixture of sweat, water, life. Then he moved back slowly. The face always grave. Raising the hand, he put it on the cheek of Anya, looking at her eyes, her lips, then again at her eyes. Proofs of life. There was a silence, whereas Eric's eyes got lost in the space, then he had a rustle, a so low and so low rustle thaht we can believe that he pronounced no sound.
-Esmeralda died.
It was a fact, and no sob escaped from his voice. It was a fact. A fact that he would never accept, a horrible fact, but a fact.
We can express facts with words. We cannot express feelings so hardly as those whom Eric felt.

OOc: MICHON I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~~

Anya looked at Eric. Her heart contracted when she heard the pain in his voice.
"I'm so sorry Eric," She whispered she reached up and gently stroked his cheek. She would wait to tell him about the pregnancy that is if he didn't notice it himself

He closed eyes when she put her hand on the cheek. To feel the life had become strange. A part of him had died. It was strange to feel a full and whole life in a single body. He who henceforth would always be a little emptier than the others.
He didn't want to cry any more. To tell the truth, he didn't even want it. He sighed, before reopening eyes. But he says nothing. His voice seemed to have got lost at the moment. He looked at Anya, for a long time. She seemed to have makes look slimmer, her cheeks had racked themselves and a worried wrinkle blocked her forehead. Again, he bent to bury the face in her hair.
The chin on the shoulder, Eric closed eyes.
If he felt empty, a thing, ardent and terrifying, filled his soul. He felt it, violente but contained. For the moment.
The blind vengeance.
Since his first murder, he had always been afraid of feel it again. He had contained it as much as possible during Phoebus's murder. But at this moment, Eric was happy to feel it at the bottom of him.
Villain would suffer only more.

Anya closed her eyes and tightened her arms around Eric. Suddenly the baby started to kick and move she gasped out, but quickly bit her lips and froze. Maybe Eric didn't notice the baby moving. She had no idea how he would feel about her being pregnant and she didn't want to make him even more upset.

Eric hear her gasped. He frowned before moving back. His empty eyes could seem cold, but Eric worried slowly. In his foggy state, he noted that something wasn't good. Anya seemed sad, certainly, but something else lived in her eyes. A kind of worry. A contained worry.
Had it arrived anything to her?
The words that he had said to Jasmine returned suddenly in his face. " Those who I love must be able to count on me. "
Had Villain made her anything?
The rabies at the bottom of him even growned a little, setting on fire one moment his glance. Oh as he dreamed to have again his knife.... A bitter soft filled feeling his mouth. He missed to kill with his knife. He missed to kill. He missed his knife.
In spite of the bad which he had made.
That he had madeto her.
He raised eyes towards her. She was afraid. Of him? For him? Why?
Bending, he kissed her on the forehead. This stupid reflex which meant "Don't be afraid".
-Anya, please tell me, he murmured.

Anya shook slightly, "Don't be mad," She whispered. She was shaking slightly and her heart was hammering, "Eric.." She took in a breath, "Eric I'm pregnant." She said softly. She looked away avoiding his gaze.

To have the impression to collapse is not just an expression. Eric would have been able to swear that his world had just collapsed. In a few months, everything had change. The values, the notions, the normalities was not any more.
A million questions fused in his spirit, so fast as he seizes only a few- what? Why? How? Of me? Then a thing returned in his memory.
Esmee was pregnant.
The parallel was evident and painful.
Then he remind a thing. Here, it was the horror and the death. A child, here? Already a nephew. But a son... A girl...
Eric closed eyes, putting the hand above. Then sliding her on his lips, he looked at Anya.

Anya looked up at him, her eyes wide,
"Please tell me what you're thinking?" She whispered,
a little scared for the answer.
One of her hands went up and rested on her stomach

Eric saw her putting her hand on the stomach. Since how long she knew to have already this reflex? Raising eyes, he saw that she fixed him, a firm fear in eyes.
- What I think?
Eric crossed the hand in his hair.
I think that it is wonderful and horrible at the same time. I think that I am afraid and that I feel bad to be afraid. I think that this game too much lasted and that I'm tired. I think that I love you and that you suffer by my fault. I think that I am sorry because you suffer and will suffer because of me.
He looked at her.
- I don't think. I am... Anya, it is...
So dangerous.
- Since how long you think? He finally asks.

"Around three months," Anya whispered
"I know I'm pretty far along because the baby keeps moving," She said softly, and closed her eyes.
She leaned in to touch his hand.

She touched his hand, as with precaution. And it hurt Eric. He was certainly broken, but not dangerous.
At least he didn't think it.
Eric shook the head, little. Then, of the free hand, he made a movement, strange but can't refrain from trying. He put his hand on the stomach of Anya.
The baby made no movement, but Eric didn't expect that he moves. In fact, Eric looked for a contact of life. A proof of... Of what in fact? He didn't know. But he looked for a proof.
-Eric? Asked for Anya.
He raised eyes. Dirty drills fell in front of his eyes. His cheeks were dug. His skin was dirty. And his eyes were switch off. But at least, he looked. He tried.
Indeed one day ago a rather strong light make him open eyes.
Anya always held the hand, and Eric didn't still know what to say.

Her other hand went up and brushed his cheek. He looked so broken,
it hurt her to see him like this.
She moved her hand down so it rested on his on top of her stomach.
The baby moved and she gave him a small smile but the smile quickly disappeared

The baby gave a blow. Eric felt it under his palm. As a wave. As a sound which spreads. He raised eyes.
No light lit his glance, no brilliant flash of lighting of luminosity, no supernatural light, or of supernatural sun in the hollow of pupils.
But.... But his lips lifted up themselves, a little, of some millimeters. But it looked like so much a smile, and it was so enormous for him to arrive at least at that...

She smiled again her eyes locked with Eric's
At least he could still smile
She looked down at their hands
"I-I was thinking of naming it Noelle if it's a girl...that was my mother's name." She whispered

He raised eyes towards her. She seemed so fragile.
Slowly, Eric slid on her side, sitting down against the wall, near her. Tilting the head behind, he closed eyes.
-Noelle. As Christmas in French. It's attractive. Poetic.
He turned the head to him, by opening eyes.
- You never have to speak about your mother.
Then he lowered eyes.
- Remark, me neither.

She scooted closer, resting her head on his shoulder
"There isn't much to tell about her...she died in childbirth." She whispered
"I guess that's why my dad was so cruel, he blamed me for her death." she closed her eyes

Eric closed eyes. Dead. The word hurt him. But he got his breath back. It would have to be made there.
A day.
He crossed the arm around the shoulders of Anya. He squeezed her against him, slowly.
- My mother name was Esperenza.
He didn't know too much why he says,it. In fact, it mattered little.

She opened her eyes a little when he hugged her.
He was slowly getting better
"That's a beautiful name." She said softly, closing her eyes again

Eric shook the head.
- It probably mean ' Esperance '. My parents probably choose Esmeralda's name because of hers.
Eric fixed the ground, without expression. Then he turned to Anya.
-Are you afraid?

Anya laughed without humor
"Yes," She answered honestly
"What if I die like my mother?" She said softly

The first one reflexe of Eric was to congeal. Then he fixed a point in front of him.
If Anya would die, that would you make?
This eventuality had often brushed him, but never in so strong and rough a way.
If she would die as Esmeralda died?
A single thing was sure, Eric would lose the reason. But for the rest... Would he kill himself? Would he draw other wings on his skin? Would he hurt those that he loved?
Eric tilted the head on the side, so as to put it on that of Anya.
- You are not going to die.
His voice trembled and that, he didn't known if it was because of the tears which he repulsed or because of the gravity of the simple thought of the opposite. He closed eyes, repeating this sentence.
- You are not going to die.

Anya took in a shaky breath
She hugged Eric close to her
"I need you." She whispered
"I can't do this on my own." Eric was so depressed from Esme's death
it was almost like he wasn't there with her and she needed
him to be there
She wasn't strong enough to do it on her own

Eric put his hand on the cheek of Anya, bending to stick his forehead on her. He closed eyes one moment, during which he caressed her cheek.
- I know, he murmured finally.
I wouldn't leave you alone as I am in front of her death.
He opened eyes.
- I know.
Slowly, he bent to put his lips on her.

"I love you," She whispered against his lips
She gently pressed her hand on his neck
Feeling him being close with her again made her feel better

Eric kissed her softly. It was strange, but same in his blury state, hear this voice say these words succeeded in... Make him feel better. When he opened eyes, if these were always so dark, at least they weren't dead any more. He smiles, a little. Resuming his initial position, he tilted the head behind, closed eyes.
In a way, Anya hurted him, because she needed him and he was for her there. But he had the impressio that nobody, even Helga, had understood how much he was destroyed. But Eric repulsed this feeling immediately, hiding it in the depths of him.
He inspired.
- And if it is a boy?

Anya thought a for a moment
"I'm not sure...do you have any ideas?"
She opened her eyes and looked up at him

Eric looked at her one moment.
- I don't know. I have no idea. Maybe... Just not Aaron.

"Of course," She whispered, taking his hand
She sighed, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry I'm not very good at comforting you...
It's just you're the first person I've ver really cared about
so I've never really lost anyone I loved."

Eric smiles, a real smile this time, but sad. Slowly, he put his index on the cheek of Anya, caressing it slowly.
- I know, he murmured in becoming again grave. I know.
He smiles, tried. Then he bent to kiss her on the cheek. Slowly. Then he moved back, a little better against the wall, opening arms so that Anya can snuggle up there.
The eyes fixed nothing, and at the end of long moment, he felt some tears poured on the cheeks. He shook the head, without wiping them. He lowered the head towards Anya.
- You know, my father is still alive. I wonder if I would find him one day. I wonder if I would say to him one day....
If I would say to him that he lost everything.
He shook the head.
- I don't know why I say it to you.
He wiped the cheek slowly.

Anya let one of her hands gently touch his cheek
"You can tell me anything," She whispered
Her other hand went up and she ran her fingers through his hair

He closed eyes by feeling her hand in his hair. This simple contact hurt him, horribly badly, and calmed him, a little. He sighed.
- Thank you.

She smiled sadly before she rested her head on his shoulder

Eric closed eyes, calmed for the first time for a long time. He looked for the hand of Anya, but accidentally, he touched the stomach. Slowly, he put it above.
So much feeling tore him. The love and the horror. Death and life. Real and false. Pain.
His lifeless state grow up and by opening eyes, he saw that Anya had fallen asleep.
The gas.
Tears flowed on Eric's cheeks and he kissed her on the forehead.
- I'm sorry...
Putting the head against the wall, Eric closed eyes. He waited.